I have been meaning to write a post on the film for ages. I actually have been meaning to write a post on many things but laziness and self critique combined together stop me from doing that.

But first let me rant about a film called Sirf that I watched yesterday…

I watched Sirf, yesterday. and HATED it. you can read the reviews here. But what an awful film! No just because it is a struggling director has finally made a film, doesn’t mean that the audience doesn’t get to criticise the film.

Okay these are the things I learnt from the film AND the reviews.

1. A woman who is from small town coming to terms with the Metropolitan culture of Bombay is a MORON. Because apparently the coolness quotient of the city and it’s people is reflected by bringing in a cake that objectifies the body of a woman. Or worse it is reflected by two women having a fight and one accuses the other of being a bad cook and a lazy bum, and the offdended replied by calling the other a slut who sleeps with her boss! Ugh…can it get more cliched than this? And if a self respecting woman from Jabalpur or LA or anywhere in the world doesn’t mind this, I’d be surprised. And what was that UGLY way of putting sindoor in the hair…ohhhhh…..i forget the small town women are deranged according the director. Such women have NO life so they move around making random people their bhayyas and didis and also getting obsessed by the thought that their husbands are having an affair here there and everywhere. Really, it’s good for Praveen Dabas that you agreed to marry him….a man who wears a joker type pajamas at home! Forget poor Monisha Koirala who looked tired, hot and bothered and not for THOSE reasons.

2. I also learnt that Nauheed Cyrusi’s role of a patient girlfriend who has FAR MORE BRAINS and SCRUPLES than her boyfriend will be refered to as a bimbette by a review writer. The correct meaning of the word is here. Ms Priti Arora, it does not show that her character was of a bimbo, it either shows that you need to work on your vocabulary. Or just develop a little more confidence in women in general!

3. People usually harp about how Sonali Kulkarni needs a decent stylist, or rather ensure ANY kind of stylist does exist, I think I will be the nasty one who says, she needs a career counsellor. Her daughter dies in the film (such LAZY and CRAPPY screenplay writing!!!) and Sonali is sitting on the chair shedding a very reluctant tear looking so BORED with her life that it isn’t funny, it is cruel! And when poor Ranveer Shorey tries so hard to bring some conviction in the scene, he ends up looking like a manic buffoon. A bad actor Kulkarni has the power to destroy not only the scene but ALSO completely ruin her co actor’s performance by being so DEAD!

4. When the RICH people want to have fun they ONLY and ONLY rely on pani puri. Because poor them, they are SO rich, they have to sacrifice the little little joys in life like pani puri etc. It is such a TIRED stereotype that I shall NOT speak of it any more. 

a bad story told badly  is a bad story told badly. Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro was made with less money too but it’s intention made it a cult. No wait, intention alone can’t change things, either Parzania was a bad bad film! And it’s intention, heart etc were all there, in the right place. But it kept people away because if you are using fiction to make your point, people can argue about aesthetics and dismiss the film, which they did.

Actually, a lot of people are saying EXACTLY the same thing about Khuda Ke Liye, a film that I REALLY REALLY liked. That the film is tacky, the characters are all caricatures (I’d agree that some were rather simplistic but not ALL), acting is pathetic, film is slow and boring etc etc. But I liked the film. I am glad it released in India. And I am glad that the tongue in cheek dialogue ( I thought it was tongue in cheek) of Shan when he says WE ruled India for 800 years did not create any hysteria (or even a murmer).

I liked the film because of the debate. And also the parallel narrative of what the paranoids in the West are doing and also what the fanatic opportunists in the Indian subcontinent are doing. I liked the dialogue, however filmy it was, when Shaan says ‘ I don’t hate Osama, because you (American idiots) are not letting me hate him.”

I liked the courtroom scene and yes with it’s clapworthy and catchy dialogues like ‘ Deen mein daadhi hai, daadhi mein deen nahin’ (Religion is a pre requisite of a beard, beard is not a pre requisite of religion…somewhat the correct translation, i am hoping) or that we are confusing religion with culture. Or even when Imaan Ali questions Naseer ud Din Shah about his absence in the court despite being asked to come and speak about the correct interpretaion of the law, she tells him I will tell Allah that this man had ALL the time in the world to pray to you but didn’t even have five minutes to help another human being in need.

Okay basically i liked the film. Yes it was slow and verbose. And some actors were really really bad. But my heart throb despite his disastrous hair style ACTED well. And to think he is famous for his crappy films like the remake of Gadar (which was a crappy film in the first place). He is good…and er…delicious too…if you don’t believe me, you have to watch the Fuzon song again. And I like his paunch too, who wants unnatural Hrithink Roshan too, i like real human type men…. :D

Even the music is really nice. Especially Bandeya, Janie Janie (not in the film) and the classical Tiluk Kamod.

On a yahoo forum someone was asking for a translation of Bandeya but called it an Indian song. I was about to correct him but then i said the song cannot be called a Pakistani song either. There was NO Pakistan at the time  the song was written, so….

Can we call it an Indian subcontinent song then?

i actually have nothing to write but….

actually i do have LOADS but part laziness and part lack of will to sit and organise thoughts has made this blog so dead. but i can begin again.

i am off to pray now but will come back again and to write something more meaningful. now so that you, whoever you are, don’t feel cheated about having read this inane post in vain, here is something to make you smile, roll your eyes or just think about it.

one of the search terms that led to my blog today:

ahem ahem

wait, and take a deep breath

it’s worth it

it was ‘dost ki maasi ke saath sex part two’ (sex with a friend’s maternal aunt, part two)

pretty specefic, wouldn’t you agree?

and WHAT was in the first part? and when did i speak of dost ki maasi, leave alone sex on my blog?

anyway, i hope to write something again today. so watch out…ha ha ha

at least my vanity makes me endearing…

so does tagging myself make me a loser. so NO ONE out there wants to know my likes dislikes. just too bad for them. i like talking about myself so i shall…

1. Yourself: –  Aluchaat

2. Your Partner:-No partner. But I think of potential partner very often. 

3. Your hair:- Black and pretty. 

4. Your father:-Too nice…too soft…tired. But ONLY knows how to love and forgive 

5. Your mother:-Doesn’t know how to give up. She never shall, I know. 

6. Your favorite item:- Books and books and books…. 

7. Your dream last night:-Some office people were there…I don’t remember exactly

8. Your favorite drink:-Gajar juice…tamatar juice, especially spiked with vodka. Chai (Dilli version, not the shitty Bombay version)

9. Your dream car:- Chauffer driven, even a bail gaadi would do. Who cares!

10. The room you are in :-   Is my boss’s room. So is plush and hip. 

11.Your Ex:-  Idiots. No not because they left me or whatever…but because they were idiots, I dumped them.

12.Your fear:- Losing any family member. Accidents. Never ever finding the kind of ‘love’ I want

13.What you want to be in 10 yrs:- Rich! Comfortable.

14. Who you hung out with last night:- My flatmate S

15. What you’re not:- Confident of my abilities.

16. Muffins:- Plain 

17. One of your wish list items:- My own house.  Going to a book sale of Strand, where I don’t have to think EVEN once about money, just buy buy buy

18. Time:- I manage pretty well. It’s perfect balance. No time to get bored and everything fits in. 

19. The last thing you did:-  Was reading childwoman’s blog and this is where I stole the tag from.

20. What are you wearing:- Sleeveless pink kurta and white salwar and as usual I look interesting.

21. Your favorite weather:-  Quoting Gulzar saab from Saathiya ‘ February ki nimmi nimmi dhoop’

22. Your favorite book:-      ONE? HOW CAN ANYONE HAVE ONE FAVOURITE BOOK?

23. The last thing you ate/ drank:- Chhole and kulcha. I made the former. And they were superb! 

24. Your life:- Pretty good 

25. Your mood:- Worried about some pressing issues but pretty upbeat

26. Your best friend:- Purnima, Sabrina, my Elder sister

27. What are you thinking about right now:- That if this appraisal takes any longer I will lose all confidence and I mustn’t 

28. Your car:- Don’t want one. I am okay with pub transport

29. What are you doing at the moment:-   Chatting with a friend and writing this tag

30. Your summer:- Dilli…coolers….ambi ka panna….IP College library…sleepy and dreamy and I am soooooooo home sick.

31. Your relationship status:- Single, infatuated.

32. What is on your TV:- Yuck! NO TV for me

33. What is the weather like:- Mumbai weather except rains is colourless and nothing to describe.

34. When was the last time you laughed:- Yesterday while watching Juno. I also cried. 

I am tagging Achelois, Sh,Am

Well if I am really honest, I begged my friend to tag me because I loved the tag!!!

So here it is:

Ten Things You Wish You Could Say to People, don’t take any names

1. For all your sharpness, you can’t see the adoration on my face. And for all your cynical bravado you are scared to even acknowledge it. And finally BAH!

2. Ummm….regular action is not making you a smarter or more lovable person, it’s just making you less frustrated, so you can really wipe off that smirk for us single people.

3. I am worth a lot!!!

4. I know you like me, I like you too but ummm….not in the same way.

5. Being a good boy doesn’t mean that you can lech at me the entire fuckin’ day so keep your intellectual discussions and your hands with yourself.

6. Yes, really just because YOU have a bad image is no reason why I should have it too. Yes I am F-A-T. I don’t love it and I don’t hate it. I mostly have no opinion on it, so excuse me if I am not as neurotically obsessed. Yes and keep the faux medical advice also with you.

7. If he loved you, he’d respect you too. Clinging on it him after being told in these many words and actions is not going to get you any love, action or commitment. Sorry. I know it sounds harsh but it’s been a really long time , so….

8. Okay asshole, you found a spouse earlier than I but that still doesn’t prove anything. Because you guys still do the half amusing and half disgusting nautanki of trying to make me jealous…so are you over me or not. Insert *evil laughter*.

9. Sure I ackowledge the crackling chemistry between us but complicated is not my scene any more.

10. You can get off that high horse of morality and morality right now, because you look really stupid up there.

Nine things about you

1. I have truly and deeply appreciated being single for months now.

2. Interesting projects and books LITERALLY make my mouth water, yes just like pani puri.

3. Okaaaaaaaaay….I had the world’s biggest CRUSH on a politician . At the age of 14. My first ever non-innocent crush, meaning I’d imagine holding hands and doing…whatever. And yes an Indian politician. And yes I couldn’t agree with his ideology any less. And yes I think he is HOT!!!!!!

4. Carrot juice and tomato juice are my most favourite drinks. And screw you if you think I like them for diet friendly reasons.

5. I was very sure and very anxiously sure that I had mutiple personality disorder when I was 15 and had finished reading Sybil.

6. I don’t like men with long hair much…with a few exceptions.

7. I have a velvet piece I CANNOT sleep without and I call it ‘Jay’. I don’t know why it is called Jay, but I have called it that since I was a child.

8. I am a blog-junkie. I need a fix every few hours.

9. I thought I was ugly when I was skinny and I think I am super duper HAWT now that I am happier and over-weight…

Eight ways to win your heart

1. Be a feminist man. Be available. Know kickass Hindi and English. And simply fall in love with me….hee hee

2. Books. Buy me books and I am yours…ha ha ha ….okay not that easy also but somewhere there.

3. Tell me gossip but with a point of view. Don’t tell me who is doing who, tell me what you think, the history, geogrpahy, scociology etc of that incident and basically make gossip sound like a human interest story and I will be your best chatting buddy.

4. Take me out for dinner, lunch, breakfast, chai, high tea anywhere and everywhere, if it is  a stiflingly fancy place, you lose despite the gooood food. If it is a place with character, I am all yours. Yes I am a very low maintenance girl/friend…

5. Don’t bore me.

6. Do NOT talk of girly girl stuff and do not talk sports ….talk about other stuff and I will like you…Is that winning my heart…I don’t know…I think my heart is easily won…I like to like people…

7. Take my side in front of obnoxious bullies who are being nasty to me…

8. Woo me with a self written poem…

Seven things that are on your mind a lot (random ordering)

1. Money…finacial worries.

2. Buddhism, it’s concepts, how I can practice it better.

3. THAT man.

4. Sex…yes I am 29 and therefore it is NORMAL

5. Books

6. Food

7. Home and everybody that makes my home…in Delhi, Bangalore, Pune

Six things you wish you never did

1. Ever ever been nasty to any of my sisters…which I did all the fucking time when we were growing up.

2. An unethical alliance…don’t ask me to explain. Use your imagination, control your judgementalness.

3. Been so underconfident about my capabilities.

4. Actually now I am running out of things. Coz I don’t regret anything for too long.

so passing the other three…sorry

Five things that turn you off

1. Behaving like a girly girl and a macho stud man…

2. Pettiness when it comes to money and more people earn, more creepily kanjoos they are.

3. Self righteousness. Moral judgements. Morality in general. Ethics agree with me, morality can fuck itself.

4. Patronising people.

5. Ass lickers

Four turn on’s

1. Confidence, yes even bordering on cockiness.

2. Impeccable Hindi but ONLY if you can also speak decent English. And if you know Punjabi, marathi, Bengali, Malayalam etc any INDIAN language…baby you are on my list.

3. Actually if I have decided to be in love with you or even infatuated, don’t worry, everything about you will sparkle and everything will be a turn on for me.

4. Thaaaaaaaaaaaat rickety chest. Oh yeah!

Three things you want to do before you die

1. Get my name up there on the 70 mm screen , in a Hindi film, right before the producer’s name comes.

2. Own a house in Mumbai and a bunglow in Delhi.

3. Make my family proud of me.

Two smileys that describe you

1. :O

2. :/

 One confession

1.Scared of escalators and crossing roads.

Anyone who is reading this, consider yourself TAGGED.

Preceisely because today is NOT a special day I decided to start blogging again.

How long the renewed enthusiasm will remain, I don’t know but for now I am back.

And sharing these three wonderful blogs that enrich my life personally with you…

ooopsss…i heard an echo, so there isn’t anyone here reading my blog…sigh….

anyway

Read www.kateharding.net, it’s a FA blog but it has so much more.

Read www.soaringimpulse.blogspot.com

and read www.eveemacipation.blogspot.com

and in a few days maybe start reading this blog again :D

so i am uploading this song for me me me me and me

this is THE man i wanted, will want…

will settle for a clone, now that i am wiser, hotter and older…

THE woman i wanted to grow up to be

and the lyricist who makes my heart miss many beats each time i hear him.

for the uninitiated this is Dev anand in a dillemma, Geeta Bali encouraging him, Sahir Ludhinavi’s words and SD Burman’s music and of course Geeta Dutt’s magical voice…

so sing along with me…

song written by who else but Gulzar saab from the film kitaab , written just the way all kids songs should be written! yes of course the boy saying VIP UNDERWAER BANIYAN is the best part.
Other famous kids songs written by Gulzar saab are of course Lakdi ki kaathi from Masoom and oh papad wale from Makdee. and OF COURSE , jungle jungle pata baat chali hai from Jungle Book

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